April 2011
“Thought of the Day: My family is big in number and dumb. Why don’t we have...”
2 tags
Things you could do instead of watching the Royal...
Dance in the Dark
Eat Brazil nuts till you learn Portuguese
Run in place in your head
Choreograph a contemporary dance to any Twista song
Streak with an insane amount of clothes on
Do a Julia Robert’s laugh
Love me (Easy)
Blindside someone
Find mindless escapism in a box of Twinkies
See how many pieces of gum in you can chew at once
Become a masked crime fighter
Beat box to the...
1 tag
Things you could do instead of watching the Royal...
Pee without making any noise
Read the word yawning without yawning
Rap passages from Shakespeare’s The Tempest
Watch the Scream movies without screaming
Run around your yard and sing the hills are alive
Climb the tree of life
Write a 500 word essay on how cheese has changed your life
Pull a weave
Admire the Prince’s balding spot
“I won’t be happy till I’m as famous as God.”
5 tags
Things you could do instead of watching the Royal...
Rescue a litter of kittens
Put on a pretend wedding with your imaginary husband
Watch Titanic and cry
Take a photo on Photo Booth, stare and cry
Just cry
Write a bitter love song
Watch Glee
Watch Glee drunk
Eat in front of a mirror
Test the strength of your food allergy
Watch a Lifetime movie
Get a lesbian inspired haircut
Call your grandma
Watch Silence of the Lambs while eating...
3 tags
Ode to Food
People asked me to write about food. So, here is my Winona Judd inspired poem:
Oh food! Oh food! You are so good. You make me happy, until I’m nude.
You’re cooked, you’re baked, you’re toasted and fried. I blame you for the weight that has gained on my side.
You get me in the mood, the mood to binge. When I see a meal my jaws unhinge.
I’ll eat you now,...
My Mind Is an Open Blog
Ask me anything
“When life gives you lemons, use them as deodorant.”
3 tags
Artist of the Week: Diagram of the Heart
To Life
Dead Famous
Dead Famous(Vegas Baby Remix)
9 tags
Unnatural Order of the Universe
Arbys running out of roast beef. (1/6/08 - A sad day indeed)
Ke$ha having an IQ of 150. True Story. Ron Howard would love her beautiful mind. Doesn’t stop her from dancing like she’s dumb dumb dumbdumbdumbdumb.
How young Jackie Chan looks. Asian+Vampire = a deadly combination.
Jillian Michaels’ body.
Lady Gaga’s baby horns.
The amount of times Perez Hilton has broken my...
Vote
You can go vote for what I blog about next week, just go: http://emotionaleater69.blogspot.com/
You vote, I write. I write, you read. You read, you hopefully laugh.
4 tags
Netflix Instant Pick of the Week: Happy Tears
It may be far from perfect, but I enjoyed it.
Maybe I’m just a sucker for a medical, tear jerking, indie drama.
4 tags
“People don’t like change, it’s an universal truth. Why else do you...”
4 tags
Deneece: Unplugged
Deneece Berg: Guest Blogger
It is my greatest pleasure and privilege to introduce to you my brilliant, witty, vivacious friend Deneece Berg. I think extremely highly of her. And when she becomes a huge successful writer and comedian we all can say we knew her when. I think I smell a permanent role on The Boy In The Red Scarf.
Donald Glover has ruined comedy for me. Hear me out: I love...
Every Fat Persons Worst Nightmare
JILLIAN MICHAELS. Did you hear that? A fat angel just died. JILLIAN MICHAELS. Did you feel that? A million fat people just started doing jumping jacks. JILLIAN MICHAELS. You get the point. She scares the living fat out of every overly obese person alive. A glance from her and you instantly lose two pounds. And the weight you don’t lose from her glances, she makes up with tears....
Hey, Mr. Dj Put a Record On I Want to Dance With...
Dancing with yourself can always be fun. The professionals on Dancing with the Stars do it every time they get a football player as their partner. Why can’t I? There’s nothing more satisfying then doing the Arkansas Traveler to your favorite tune, but you have to be careful. Dancing on your own might be America’s favorite pastime, but never do it in front of an open window. Take...
Dumb Girls...
Shave off all their eyebrows. Say Rentenna, instead of Retina. Hold fish in their hand. In wow of how the chick from Million Dollar Baby and Freedom Writers look exactly the same. Say, “That’s Hot.” Think Yeast Infection is what bread gets. Think Water Polo is something you wear to a wet t-shirt contest. Are oblivious to sexual orientation, also applied to sluts. Don’t know the...
Erotic-NON
Having a diminished personal life, and invisible self-esteem doesn’t help when it comes to a sex life. Or as I call it: Sex? It’s even more pathetic than it sounds. The closest I’ve come to an orgasm is the last time I sneezed. I’m less sexual than a bunny on Easter. Someone call Mike Meyers I’m in desperate need of a Love Guru. I’m Jamba, without the juice. I’m the...
Yo Ho Yo Ho, A Bloggers Life For Me
I thought I would take the time and explain to my, now, 0 followers of my intentions with this blog, and give you the 411 on who exactly The Boy With The Red Scarf is. I won’t be as harsh as Perez, but I won’t be as sweet as Betty Suarez. I have things to say and nowhere to say them, and my therapist said it’s healthy to vent. I’m kidding, I’m too poor for a therapist. I think of...
