May 2011
2 tags
I NEED NEW MADONNA MUSIC (2012)
She said she’s going to start working on her new album after she releases her movie. She’s already looking for the, “the hottest, sickest, most badass people to work with.” Her agent, Guy Oseary, tweeted  that she’s already listening to tracks. She’s going to bring it. I know it.
May 31st
1 note
1 tag
May 30th
5 notes
Fuck It
when i blog from my phone, it won’t let me capitalize anything. and it is killing my ocd. omg, ocd should be capitalized.
May 30th
1 note
1 tag
May 30th
1 note
This Happens To Me A Lot
- Telephone rings -
Me: Hello?
Jordan: Yo, what's up? This Isaiah?
Me: No, Sam. Don't insult me.
Jordan: Oh, damn, all you guys sound the same.
Me: Yeah, sure.
Jordan: Let me talk to Ze, he's the one I called for.
I'm officially insulted.
May 30th
1 tag
May 30th
May 26th
2 notes
I've realized..
.. that i’ve been acting gayer than usual, there must be something in the air.
May 26th
1 tag
Oprah
Oprah ended today. I got really sad knowing, and accepting, I would never see her show again. Then right when it ended, I heard her voice saying, “TOMORROW ON OPRAH!!!” Then I got mad. Reruns ruined a very sweet goodbye. 
May 26th
1 note
1 tag
American Idol
Me: Marc Anthony looks like he's about to drop dead.
Hannah: That's what I look like when I haven't slept.
Me: Well, he hasn't slept in years.
May 26th
2 tags
Madonna on Oprah..
..was too much to handle, such a beautiful speech.
May 23rd
2 notes
2 tags
I'm mad..
..that Marlee Matlin didn’t win Celebrity Apprentice. Donald Trump is biased. He’s jealous of her hair.
May 23rd
2 notes
3 tags
WatchWatch
3-Way (The Golden Rule)
May 22nd
2 notes
1 tag
Glee
Can’t sleep, watching Glee on Netflix. What is it about Finn Hudson (Cory Monteith) that makes me want to have sex with him, but at the same time punch him in the face? It’s a confusing time for me, answers would be nice. 
May 22nd
It's Exhausting Being Funny..
.. but totally worth it. I love making people laugh and smile. I still haven’t made anyone pee, but that’s a life goal and I still have years to make that happen. Can’t wait. I want people to know to bring mops and tissues to all my shows. (Dreaming out loud) I want to see Carnegie Hall full of Rubbermaid mops, and I want people to use them. I can’t wait to move and live...
May 22nd
2 notes
1 tag
May 22nd
3 notes
I'm at my sister's band concert..
…and I brought earphones.
May 20th
Skin
I have a fear of dying naked. I have no idea why. But every time I think of dying naked my heart beats faster than Garey Busey’s after a line of coke. I would lie there bare, cold, lacking life and the first thing the paramedics would see wouldn’t be my bitter demise but the lack of muscle tone. And then MAYBE after ten minutes they would remember why they were there. But first they would call...
May 20th
1 note
1 tag
May 20th
5 notes
1 tag
May 20th
4 notes
1 tag
Mono is a Nono for Me
Mom: The test results came in, you have Mono.
Hannah: I knew it.
Isaiah: Mono is the kissing disease, right?
Hannah: You can get it from the bacteria in the air too, dumbshit.
Mom: Hey, hey, hey. Calm down.
Me: I'll never get Mono.
May 20th
1 note
1 tag
May 20th
2 notes
May 20th
1 tag
May 19th
20 notes
1 tag
May 19th
4 notes
1 tag
May 19th
1 tag
May 19th
22 notes
2 tags
May 19th
1 note
1 tag
May 19th
5 notes
In This Life
I pose this question. What kind of friend are you? You think about that and I’ll tell you what kind of friend I am. I’m one of the worst friends you will ever have, but I’m also the greatest friend you will ever find. Don’t leave.. I’ll explain.  I’m needy, I’m the George Clooney’s girlfriend of friendship. I’m that friend that will force...
May 19th
1 note
1 tag
May 19th
2 notes
1 tag
May 19th
9 notes
1 tag
May 19th
5 notes
1 tag
May 19th
4 notes
1 tag
May 19th
1 tag
May 19th
2 notes
American Life
A death has occurred, My beloved Mac has died. The doctor said something about Cardiamac Arrest? I couldn’t really hear him over my sobs. I felt the need to transform into a religious black lady and throw my body over my late Mac and scream, “Why lord? Why?” Or should I say “Why Apple? Why?” All of this materialistic sadness has set off a thunderstorm in my brain clouds. Why am I so obsessed...
May 18th
1 tag
“I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.”
– Joan Rivers
May 18th
3 notes
1 tag
You Know You're Poor
…When you window shop on iTunes.  I really want the new Ben Harper CD. Too bad, too poor.  So I guess I’ll have to do with a 1 minute and 30 seconds of each song.
May 18th
1 note
2 tags
May 18th
1 note
1 tag
May 18th
2 notes
2 tags
MADONNA IS GOING TO BE ON OPRAH'S LAST SHOW
Too much to handle. Multiple gaygasms. 
May 18th
2 notes
Anything You Want To Know
Just ASK
May 17th
1 tag
May 17th
1 note
“I’m no good at goodbyes. No really, I have no idea how to end a phone...”
May 17th
3 notes
One More Chance
We all change, it’s inevitable. For better and for worse. Change can be bad, and change can be good. But remember: “All change is not growth, as all movement is not forward.” But there is one sure thing: Change is perpetual. If you’re a Caterpillar you’ll change into a butterfly. If you’re a boy you’ll become a man(maybe). If you’re a stripper you’ll gain the intuition of a prostitute, or you...
May 15th
1 note
1 tag
May 14th
17 notes
“Follow me on Twitter: @Ohpoorsam”
May 14th
Twitter: OhPoorSam - The Greatest Hits
If there was a movie about my sex life I would call it, “Encounters of the 0 Kind.” Just saw Bristol Palin’s new chin. Her and Jay Leno now have something in common. I feel bad for George Clooney’s girlfriend. It must be hard not having a name. Having a steamy encounter with a ghost is the one and only reason to take up pottery I feel like I need to change my profile...
May 14th
1 tag
May 14th
1 note